Hello, I'm Jeeves! Me and my brother Wooster have been living with our new Mum and Dad, Neil and Nicole Lincoln, in Ilford for nearly three months now and I think they are very impressed with our impeccable good manners and breeding. True, I sometimes forget myself and find I'm on the dining table trying to sample some of their food (just to make sure it's safe for them to eat you understand) but it doesn't take more than three squirts of the water spray to remind me I've got plenty of munchies of my own. I really like some of theirs though, especially chocolate even if we only get minuscule amounts as Mum says our teeth will fall out (she doesn't seem to think hers are at risk considering the absolute heaps she consumes in the evenings as we both cuddle up to her in front of the TV). We're also very partial to Gorgonzola cheese and I recently discovered Brussels sprouts which I thought were quite tasty although Wooster prefers to kick them all around the kitchen floor.
We have to share our Mum and Dad with an older brother called Spode. He's two and a half years old and thinks he can tell us what to do but really he's a big girl's blouse: imagine he has been spending all night for the whole of last week on Mum and Dad's bed just because he had a sore paw! As for our sister Smallpuss she really is ancient at eleven years old and just glares at us when we try to play with her (Spode only plays with us when he thinks Mum and Dad are not watching). One thing puzzles us though: Mum keeps looking at us and muttering that she soon should book an appointment to the vet, and Dad just shudders and says better us than him poor little blighters. Now I feel quite well and so does Wooster (although we probably are malnourished) so we asked wise Smallpuss what she thought but she said we should talk to Spode as he would definitely know. We did and he just told us we'd learn soon enough and that this was not something he particularly wanted to be reminded of. How very strange!
Well this is all for now. One last thing: do you know if my real mum has found a home yet? I hope she has and if not please give her lots of lots of cuddles from both of us and tell her we'll never forget her.
Jeeves & Wooster
November 2005
